Awakening1:Jack
by Rainbow5
Summary: Pre-slash! Jack takes a drive down the freeway. A very interesting drive!


The Universe has a sadistic sense of humour, and just as you have everything figured out, just as you begin to think that maybe you'll get your happy ending after all, it does something that sends you right back to square one. Then it laughs at you, while you cast a dazed look over your surroundings and ask the inevitable question, why? Why me? Why now? Why here? Why, why, why, why, why... As for an answer, there is none, for the simple fact that there is no real reason for it happening in the first place; the Universe just decided to make you the main feature for a while.  
  
For me it all began with a man named Daniel, and a place called PX6324Z. The Universe screwed me over real bad, dealt me a hand I'd never played before and here I am, trying to win the game.  
  
  
  
Why me? Why now? Why Daniel? Jack thought dismally, as he reached forward to increase the volume on the radio and filled the jeep with the sound of the drug inspired guitar playing of Jimi Hendrix. His brown eyes peered through the windscreen into the darkness as he passed yet another freeway sign, standing at the side of the road like a lone hitchhiker, telling him that it was 98 miles. 98 miles to where exactly, he wasn't sure. He'd begun driving that night with no real sense of purpose or direction and had turned down so many side roads and taken so many detours, that even if he had known where he was going, he would have no clue now. All he had been aware of when he began his journey to nowhere was that he needed some time alone, away from the temptation that was Daniel, driving him crazy with his electric blue eyes and cute ass.  
  
97 miles now, 97 miles to a place where nobody knew who he was or what he did for a living and he could be alone with his fantasies concerning Daniel, chocolate and pink, furry handcuffs. Ninety seven miles until he reached a place where nobody cared if he was gay, straight, bisexual or anything else that appealed to him. He could be a fucking bisexual, transvestite prostitute for all they'd care. Where nobody knows your name, he hummed his own version of the words to the Cheers theme tune, smiling at the thought of being alone with nothing to worry about for once. Wouldn't last though, they'd send someone to find him, and sooner or later they'd take him back to the base, kicking and screaming if that's what it took. That was the problem with going A.W.O.L, someone always found you sooner or later and then you had to deal with the nasty business of a full court martial. In the end, it wasn't worth the hassle, you might as well put up wit the military and let it drive you to the verge of suicide, at least that way you didn't have to worry about paying the legal fees.  
  
96 miles and the sign for a cheap roadside motel caught his eye in all its tacky neon glory. His thoughts drifted back to the first time he had thought of Daniel as a sex object rather than a best friend.  
  
They had been off world on a routine mission, in fact it had been so routine that Jack had found himself wishing for a Goa'uld invasion just so that he'd have something to do, and Daniel had been indulging in some of the local customs. That man would do anything to create diplomatic relations with a new culture, especially if through the creation of diplomatic relations Danny himself received the added benefit of learning about an alien culture. Unfortunately, Daniel hadn't counted on the fact that one of the local customs would involve drinking so much alcohol that he wouldn't be able to see straight, never mind make anything that could even remotely be called a rational decision.   
  
The leader of the people had organised a celebration, commemorating the arrival of SG-1 to their planet and Daniel, in typical Danny fashion, had insisted that they stay and participate. To Jack, the word celebration meant only one thing: getting incredibly drunk and waking up in the morning with a hangover, more regrets than you started out with and an inability to find all the clothes you were wearing the night before. Nevertheless, after very little coercing, in Daniel terms, from Daniel, they decided to stay and join in the festivities and Jack found that his definition of celebration was as accurate as if he could foresee the future. At the time of regaining consciousness though, he was too preoccupied with his own drunken realisations to embark upon a round of 'I knew this would happen' and the event passed by unmarked by his trademark sarcasm.  
  
It was well past midnight and both of the planet's moons hung round and full in the sky, like two eyes staring down at them from the heavens. By this time, all the members of SG-1 had taken enough swigs from the bottle being passed round to be well into the lack of inhibitions stages of intoxication and somewhere along the way, Daniel had managed to lose his shirt. Jack sat between Sam and Teal'c, watching Daniel as one of the local women insisted on teaching him the steps to some kind of dance and Daniel continued a slurred conversation with some of the elder men, whilst obliging her request.   
  
For all his failings in combat, Daniel had a fantastic sense of rhythm and it wasn't long before he was dancing the steps as though he had known them his entire life. The flames of the fire highlighted his broad shoulders and bare chest, casting leaping shadows over his face and giving him an almost mysterious air. As he sat there, Jack could feel his eyes travelling over the bare flesh of Daniel's chest, mentally caressing every inch of the exposed skin and a heady rush of lust washed over him. His eyes continued their journey, causing Jack to shift uncomfortably as his blood all began to rush to one place and he hoped against all hope that Sam and Teal'c would be too drunk to notice his strange behaviour.  
  
Daniel's body swayed to the rhythm of a silent, invisible drumbeat and Jack felt another wave of passion wash over him as he caught sight of the light reflecting off Daniel's sweat drenched skin. Oh God, Danny! He thought as Daniel stopped dancing and stood there in all his sweat soaked glory, a lump caught in his throat and his Bdus suddenly felt tight and uncomfortable. Daniel stood there, chest heaving and looking like the single most desirable thing Jack had ever seen, completely unaware that Jack was currently so horny he'd gladly jump his bones right there and then.  
  
Oh God, Danny! Jack thought again, as Daniel continued to stand there, driving him crazy with his closeness and his beauty. He rose to his feet and stumbled off in the direction of a small group of trees, unable to control his body any longer and embarrassed at the thought of Carter and Teal'c seeing him like this.  
  
Unfortunately, his disappearing act didn't have the effect he hoped it would, and the image of Daniel standing motionless in the firelight, skin glistening and chest heaving, looking as unconsciously sexy as only Daniel could, burned in his mind. Jack felt a sudden, sweet sense of relief as he came, staining his boxers and BDUs, but not caring as long as it ended the tension mounting up inside him. He sank gratefully to the floor, back resting against a tree as he closed his eyes and began taking a series of deep breaths, focusing his mind on coming up with an explanation for the stains on his BDUs. Why Daniel? Why now? He thought as he re-opened his eyes, momentarily detouring from his search for an explanation. Why did this have to happen now, when everything else was going so well? Why did it have to be Daniel? Why couldn't it have been an officer who was just passing through the base? A one night stand, don't ask, don't tell, never see them again kind of deal. Had that been the case, he might have thought 'what the hell' and indulged his curiosities, but this was different. This was Daniel.  
  
Jack was still searching for an explanation when he finally passed out and woke up to see Daniel's pensive blue eyes staring down into his. Danny! Daniel's closeness unnerved him and he hastily pulled himself to his feet and backed away, unsure of how his body would react to the suggestiveness of a bare-chested Daniel barely centimetres away. AT the same time, fighting the pounding headache that signalled the beginning of a hangover as he did so. Daniel frowned, clearly confused by his friend's strange behaviour, but said nothing about it or the stains on Jack's BDUs as he turned and rejoined the others.  
  
39 miles to go now, 39 miles to freedom. Coffee, I really should stop and get some coffee. Jack thought as he passed yet another cheap roadside café and a wave of drowsiness swept over him. Man cannot live on Hendrix alone! He smiled as he reached forward with one hand, searching for the pack of cigarettes he knew was there in the darkness. His hand caught hold of the sharp-edged packet ad he unconsciously pulled out a cigarette and lit it in one fluid, unbroken motion. It was as though an injection of nicotine into his system would stimulate him enough to fight the soothing lullaby of sleep.   
  
37 miles, he wished he could stop somewhere, order some coffee and maybe some pancakes, but he knew that if he did, he'd end up turning the car around and driving back to the base, to Daniel. He couldn't face Daniel right now, on more minute in the same room as that man, in all his shameless sexiness and he'd lose all control and jump on Daniel and fuck him to death like a goddamn nymphomaniac. He couldn't stand it anymore, it was driving him crazy, and there was nothing he could do about it. Daniel was his best friend, correction, his straight best friend and nothing was ever going to change that, not even Jack. This last thought hurt a little more than it ought to have, and Jack contented himself with thinking back to how Daniel had looked during the debriefing.  
  
As per usual, Daniel walked in late to the debriefing, cup of coffee in one hand and a stack of research papers in the other. In a performance that was repeated at the end of every mission, Daniel went through the motions of making apologies to people who didn't need apologising to. It started with him looking shocked at the realisation that he was late, again, and smiling apologetically at everyone, in the way that only Daniel could, before taking a seat. As Daniel did just that, Jack could feel himself staring at him, his eyes burning a hole in Daniel's uniform, in an attempt to get one last glance of what lay beneath, as he took the seat opposite.  
  
The meeting itself was uneventful, with Jack barely concentrating, only nodding, and adding the occasional "uh-huh" now and then, while he continued to exhaust all his energy on staring at Daniel. Luckily for him, Carter did all the talking, leaving it only necessary for her commanding officer to verify and acknowledge what she had said. She was his 2IC after all; it was her job to communicate the mission details while her superior officer focused his attention on the thought of having very noisy sex with one of his fellow teammates.  
  
Daniel, however, seemed completely oblivious of the fact that Jack's brown eyes were currently trying to burn through his clothes. Although he did avoid making eye contact with Jack, directing his gaze toward the air above the top of Sam's head instead. He went on to give a lengthy description of the new culture they had found on the planet and sing the praises of the people they had met, who had shown them great hospitality. At the same time, Jack allowed himself to make the mistake of fantasising about what it would be like to have Daniel give him a blowjob. Once again, he found himself caught in an uncompromising situation involving his BDUs and the redirection of the blood flow around his body.  
  
The meeting ended, and Teal'c disappeared from the briefing room almost immediately, for reasons best known to himself. This left the three of them, Sam, Daniel, and Jack, alone together, surrounded by the silence of the base on what was one of the most uneventful days in its history. Jack continued to amuse himself with the practice of staring at Daniel and imaging all the possible sexual positions he could try out with him. His fantasies were brought to an abrupt halt when Daniel glanced up and met his gaze with his own sparkling blue eyes, leaving Jack fighting for breath as the oxygen in the room seemed to disappear. Jack's mind stepped into overdrive and his heart doubled its speed in an attempt to pump the maximum amount of blood to his dick, as he found himself drowning in the blue pools of Daniel's eyes. The air between them buzzed with the pent up sexual tension radiating from Jack, and he felt as though he were about to die, if he continued to stare into those eyes.  
  
"Sir?" Carter asked, slightly perturbed by the behaviour of her commanding officer, and Jack wrenched his gaze away form Daniel's blue eyes as he turned to answer her. As he did so, Daniel drifted away into the background and out of the room, destroying the electric tension that crackled between them as he left. Jack found himself suddenly alone with Sam and with no answer to her question as an awkward silence descended.  
  
Shit! Great, O'Neill! You've probably just scared the crap out of your best friend and the man you're madly in love with. Fan-fucking-tastic! Well that's just perfect, ain't it! He thought, angrily chastising himself as Sam stared at him growing more and more confused about his reaction to Daniel as time passed, whilst at the same time reaching her own conclusion about what was going on. Jack didn't even look at her as he stormed out of the room, heading for the laughable excuse for an office he'd been given.  
  
Once there, he decided that his entire life was now officially FUBAR, grabbed his jacket and his car keys and left, not thinking about where he was going or what the consequences of his actions might be. Right now, he needed to get as far away from Daniel as possible, otherwise he was going to go crazy or turn into a pathetic mass of unrequited love or do something else equally as stupid. He climbed into his jeep and drove away, not caring that by all military definitions he was now AWOL and technically subject to a court martial if or when he ever returned or was found. That didn't matter, none of it did anymore, all that mattered was that he have some time alone, far away from Danny and his cute ass, where he could think.  
  
Only 10 miles now, 10 miles until he reached a place where he could escape reality and be whoever he wanted to be. Regardless of whether that was, an ageing air force colonel or simply a man madly in love with his best friend. Why couldn't it have been Sam he had fallen for? At least with her, he knew where he stood, as a fellow air force officer she was clearly off limits and always would be as far as he was concerned, anyway. This wasn't Sam though, this was Daniel, a civilian and the fact that as a fellow team member he was still off limits, despite being non-military, made Jack's emotions even harder for him to deal with.   
  
8 miles now, despite all his male bravado, any type of situation that involved getting in touch with your emotions left Jack feeling as terrified as a teenage girl before her first date. Preventing the invasion of Earth by the Goa'uld he could handle, no problem. Ask him to share his emotions and he developed the uncontrollable urge to run as far away as possible as fast as his legs could carry him. Running away, that was exactly what he did every time and that was exactly what he was doing now. Running away, again. This thought struck him with the cold clarity of the truth and Jack realised that he was right. Running away was exactly what he was doing. He hadn't left the base because the temptation of Daniel was too great or because he needed time to think, he'd left because running away from his emotions was the only way he knew how to deal with them. It was what he had done when Charlie had died, when Sara had left him and now because he'd fallen in love with Daniel.   
  
For crying out loud, O'Neill, you're pathetic! You're a grown man and a goddamn air force colonel, and you still run away like a kid instead of dealing with things! If there was an award for the most pathetic human being on the planet, you'd win it hands down! He thought angrily, disgusted by his own behaviour and finally realising how incredibly stupid he had been to leave the base in the first place. Time to think, my ass! You were running away again, and you know it, O'Neill! What are you, a complete emotional retard, or something?  
  
6 miles, no point going back now, the consequences of his actions would still be there, waiting for him in the morning. Might as well find a cheap motel and get some sleep, he was going to be in enough trouble as it was when he got back, he didn't need the added pains of lack of sleep too. These thoughts flitted through his mind as he passed yet another freeway sign displaying how many miles it was to the nearest decent sign of civilisation. Maybe if he found a suitable motel and fell asleep, he'd wake up in his office and realise that it had all been a dream. He'd never left the base, never even left his office and the last 94 miles had all been part of a crazy dream he had had.   
  
5, even before he had passed the sign, Jack knew that he was lying to himself. The last 95 miles had all been as real as his emotions for Daniel were and no matter how hard he wished, the only place he'd bee waking up in the morning was a crappy motel room. Know his luck it'd be like the ones frequented by horny teenagers and with plumbing that Jack wouldn't normally come within a ten-mile radius of.   
  
4 miles to go until he hit civilisation, what the fuck was he going to do about Daniel? The question suddenly occurred to him as he passed a billboard advertising L'oreal hair colour. Because I'm worth it, yeah right, he thought cynically as the billboard faded away into the darkness in his rear-view mirror. It was than that he realised that he had no idea what he was going to do about Daniel. Although he had a fair few ideas of what he'd like to do to Daniel, none of them were going to be of any help right now. All he knew for certain was that he couldn't hide away in a cheap motel room for the rest of his life. Nor could he spend the rest of his military career hiding in his office for fear of how he would react if he saw Daniel naked in the showers. What then? He'd drive back to the base tomorrow, that much he was certain of, anything beyond that and everything started to go fuzzy and Jack was overwhelmed by that feeling of helplessness that comes from not knowing.  
  
2 miles left, and the question of his sexual orientation crept into his mind, a final blow on a day that had been nothing but an infuriating struggle for him to keep his head above water. Am I gay? He didn't feel any different than he had three days ago, when his answer to the same question would have been a definite no, probably accompanied by a quick punch to the jaw of whoever had done the asking. Now, however, he wasn't so sure, it wasn't as if he'd done anything with Daniel. Did the fact that he got incredibly turned on by Danny's presence count? Yes, he decided with a surprising amount of certainty and clarity, it did. So, he was gay or, at least curious. Well, definitely didn't see that one coming did ya, fly boy! He thought, a thought that was immediately followed by worries about developing a passion for Liza Minelli and interior decorating. Maybe that was why he and Sara hadn't worked out? Nah, he thought quickly, he'd definitely been straight when he married Sara, their wedding night had proved that.  
  
One mile, on mile until he reached his nameless destination and Jack was beginning to miss the calming effect driving down the freeway had had on him and the ability to lose himself in his thoughts that had accompanied it. What if Daniel didn't feel the same way? The thought flashed through his mind, and Jack realised that for the last twenty-four hours all he had thought about was his own feelings for Daniel. Not even once pausing to consider how Daniel might feel on the subject of Jack wanting to fuck his brains out. Spacemonkey, no chance! I'd never be that lucky, not with a guy like Danny, anyway. This particular thought seemed to sting slightly more than it should and for some reason; tears sprang into his eyes as he realised that he'd never be more than a friend to Daniel. A best friend, maybe, but never anything more.  
  
Probably best to keep it like that, anyway. Too complicated. Relationships always were, particularly were he was concerned. Jack thought in a desperate attempt to gloss over the fact that it hurt more than he could ever have imagined to know that he'd never have a chance with Daniel and to reassure himself. The flickering neon sign of a cheap motel came into view in front of him, and Jack pulled the jeep up to the graffiti covered entrance. He turned off the engine and sat there in the darkness for a moment, attempting to compose himself as best he could before going to the front desk and asking for a room.  
  
Here he was. Freedom! Who knew that freedom came with its own happy hour? He thought as he climbed out of the jeep, noticing the neon sign flashing above a nearby bar and walked the few feet to the motel entrance; just a man looking for a bed for the night. Leaving behind the base, the Stargate and Daniel and becoming just another nameless face passing through on the way to somewhere else. No one. 


End file.
